How Do I Know If a Therapist Is the Right Fit for Me (or My Teen)?
Starting therapy can feel intimidating
It often comes with a lot of questions and uncertainty, including worries like:
What if I don’t like the therapist?
What if they don’t understand my needs?
What if I’m “too much”?
If you’ve never been to therapy before, you might also find yourself wondering: What is therapy even like?
All of this uncertainty can make it easier to put therapy off, even when support could be genuinely helpful or life-changing.
So how do you figure out which therapist to choose — and how do you know if it’s a good fit?
Why the therapeutic relationship matters most
Research consistently shows that the therapeutic relationship is one of the strongest predictors of effective therapy. Before focusing on credentials or techniques, it’s important to find someone you can imagine building a working relationship with. Someone who feels relatable, respectful, and safe enough to talk with regularly.
You may want to consider factors such as gender, age, cultural background, race, religious identity, or lived experience with things like neurodivergence or parenting, depending on what feels important to you.
When possible, taking advantage of free consultations can be helpful. Advocating for a video consultation, in particular, allows you to get a better sense of the therapist’s communication style, presence, and overall fit.
Understanding different types of therapy approaches (CBT, DBT, ACT and more)
It can also be helpful to have a general sense of the types of therapy that exist and what you might be looking for.
Some approaches are more skills-based, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). These approaches often focus on learning tools to manage symptoms, shift patterns of thinking or behavior, and build coping strategies.
Other approaches are more relational or exploratory, such as psychodynamic or humanistic therapy. These tend to focus on understanding emotions, relationships, and long-standing patterns, often by exploring how past experiences continue to influence the present.
Many therapists integrate multiple approaches depending on a person’s needs. There isn’t one approach that is inherently better — the right fit depends on what you’re hoping to work on and how you tend to learn and grow.
Different types of therapists: Psychologists, counselors, psychiatrists, and more
It can also be helpful to understand the different types of mental health providers you may encounter in your search.
Psychologists (PhD, PsyD), social workers (LCSW), and mental health counselors (LMHC) are all trained to provide psychotherapy, though their training backgrounds and areas of emphasis can differ.
Psychiatrists (MD) primarily focus on evaluation and medication management, while some also offer therapy or a combination of medication management and therapy.
Marriage and family therapists (LMFT) specialize in relational and systems-based work, often working with couples or families together.
Rather than focusing on titles alone, it’s often most useful to consider a provider’s experience with your specific concerns, their therapeutic approach, and whether their style feels like a good fit for you.
Questions to ask a therapist during an initial consultation
Most therapists offer a free consultation prior to scheduling an initial session. Having a few questions in mind can help you feel more grounded and informed when speaking with a potential therapist.
Some useful questions might include:
How would you describe your approach to therapy?
What kinds of concerns do you most often work with?
What does a first session usually look like?
Do you tend to give things to work on between sessions?
How long do people typically stay in therapy with you?
What happens if we meet and it doesn’t feel like the right fit?
There are no “right” questions. The goal is to simply understand whether this person’s style aligns with what you’re looking for. And you don’t need to ask all of these questions; even a few can help you get a sense of whether it feels like a good fit.
Should you meet with more than one therapist?
If possible, it’s often helpful to speak with more than one therapist before deciding. Meeting with several providers can give you a clearer sense of how different styles feel and can provide backup options if logistics like scheduling or insurance don’t work out.
Doing this work upfront can also reduce the likelihood of giving up on therapy altogether if the first option doesn’t pan out.
How to tell after the first meeting whether a therapist is a good fit
After an initial consultation or session, take some time to reflect.
Ask yourself:
Did I feel reasonably comfortable?
Could I imagine being authentic with this person?
Do I see potential for trust to develop?
A few reminders can be helpful here. First, relationships take time. You don’t need to feel completely at ease right away; you’re simply looking for potential.
It’s also okay to talk openly with a therapist about concerns around fit and notice how they respond. And you’re not obligated to continue with someone simply because you’ve met a few times. Many therapists are open to helping you find a better match if needed.
Trusting your instincts vs. avoiding therapy
Your intuition matters, but it can sometimes be hard to tell the difference between a true lack of fit and avoidance. If you find yourself meeting with several therapists without moving forward with any of them, it may be worth gently reflecting on whether something about starting therapy feels overwhelming right now.
That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong — timing and readiness matter too.
What does progress in therapy actually look like?
One of the clearest indicators of fit is whether therapy feels helpful over time, but progress can look different for different people.
For some, it means reduced symptoms. For others, it means feeling understood, developing insight, or having a space to process difficult emotions.
Clarifying what progress means to you can help you better assess whether the therapeutic relationship is meeting your needs.
For parents helping teens find a therapist
Finding the right fit for a teen can be especially tricky. Therapy is often private, and parents aren’t always fully in the loop, which can raise questions about whether treatment is effective.
At the same time, teens are more likely to engage in therapy when they feel a sense of choice and connection with the therapist, rather than feeling that therapy was decided for them.
For older teens, brief consultations with a potential therapist can sometimes be helpful in assessing fit and giving them an opportunity to ask questions and get a sense of whether the therapist feels approachable. Involving teens in this way can support buy-in and make it easier to distinguish between initial hesitation and a true lack of fit.
When thinking about progress for your teen, a few things to consider include:
Are you noticing gradual improvements in mood, anxiety, or the concerns that led to therapy?
Is your teen generally willing to attend sessions, even if they’re not enthusiastic every time?
Over time, small shifts — rather than dramatic changes — are often meaningful indicators.
If you’re supporting an anxious teen more broadly, you may also find my Parent Guide helpful for understanding anxiety patterns and how to respond in ways that build long-term confidence.
Practical factors that affect therapy fit
Finally, logistics matter too. Availability, session format, continuity, and cost can all shape whether a therapist feels like a sustainable fit over time.
Availability and scheduling
Availability is often treated as a logistical afterthought, but it can have a real impact on whether therapy is helpful over time. Session frequency, time of day, and consistency matter more than many people initially expect.
Some therapists primarily offer early morning or late evening appointments, which may technically fit into a busy schedule but can make it harder to arrive mentally present or to process what comes up afterward. Others may have limited availability that changes frequently.
When possible, it’s worth considering whether the available times genuinely work for your energy level, focus, and capacity to reflect between sessions.
Many people benefit from starting with weekly sessions and adjusting over time as needs change. Talking openly about scheduling expectations early on can help set therapy up in a way that feels supportive rather than rushed or burdensome.
In-person vs online therapy
Therapy can be effective in both virtual and in-person formats, but each offers something different.
In-person therapy can feel grounding and contained for some people, especially those who value a physical separation between therapy and daily life.
Virtual therapy, on the other hand, offers flexibility and accessibility, particularly for people balancing school, work, or caregiving responsibilities. Virtual sessions can reduce travel time, make scheduling easier, and allow therapy to fit more naturally into an already full life. For many clients, this flexibility makes it easier to stay engaged consistently rather than dropping off due to logistical strain.
Many people have questions about how online therapy works and how state licensing affects care across states. I break that down in more detail in my blog on online therapy and licensing.
There isn’t a universally “better” option here; the most helpful format is the one that allows you to show up consistently and feel present in the work.
Continuity of care and licensing (including PSYPACT)
Another factor that’s easy to overlook is whether therapy can adapt to changes in location or routine. For college students who move between school and home, individuals who travel frequently for work, or families with shifting schedules, continuity of care can matter a great deal.
Licensing plays a role in this. For example, psychologists authorized to practice across multiple states through PSYPACT may be able to continue working with clients even when they are temporarily or periodically located elsewhere. This can reduce disruptions and prevent the need to repeatedly transition care during already stressful periods.
Thinking about sustainability early, not just immediate availability, can help ensure that therapy remains a consistent source of support as life circumstances change.
Cost and insurance considerations
Cost can shape whether therapy feels workable over time. When sessions feel financially manageable, it’s often easier to stay engaged and allow progress to unfold gradually rather than feeling pressure to move faster than feels right.
How this looks in practice can vary. For some people, it means using insurance or seeking lower-cost options. For others, it may mean choosing a private-pay therapist whose approach, availability, or continuity of care feels like a better fit at this stage of life. Neither choice is inherently better; what matters is finding something that feels workable and aligned with your priorities.
It can be helpful to check with your insurance provider so you have a clearer sense of your options when speaking with potential therapists. In some cases, insurance plans offer out-of-network benefits that allow for reimbursement through a superbill, which many private-pay therapists offer.
Talking openly with potential therapists about fees, session frequency, and pacing can help set clearer expectations and support a therapeutic process that feels steady and sustainable rather than rushed or stressful.
When you’re struggling, it can make sense to want relief quickly or to feel pressure to act right away. At the same time, giving some thought to fit and logistics can help therapy feel steadier and more supportive over time.
Wherever you are in the process, it’s okay to move at a pace that feels manageable for you.